President’s Message, May 2010
Dear Colleague and Fellow Member:
In countless speeches and voluminous writings, Carrie Nation adamantly maintained that all she and her movement wanted was the right to vote. Although history does not record whether or not she was believed, discussions with such local stalwarts as Bud Hatch, Stu Mamer, Dick Thies, Don Tennant, Charlie Palmer, Mike O’Bryan and Roger Haughey maintained that they always knew all Carrie Nation really wanted was to get her foot in the door. Well, maybe only her toe.
After a considerable passage of time, we now take Carrie Nation’s purported goal - Suffrage for Women - for granted. We also assume, as well we should, that women should be allowed to practice law. In fact, they practice our profession with great skill and expertise.
However, there is the problem of women having their foot in the door. You see, their feet include their toes and, of course, there are many male lawyers, male court personnel and male litigants who find these protrusions titillating. Now titillating starts with “T,” that rhymes with “D” and “D” stands for distracting.
When it is considered that the exposure of toes can be added to the immodestly expanding mountain of cleavage thrust upon our Courtrooms by women lawyers, court personnel and litigants - - - well, you get the picture and that picture is X-rated.
We have a problem that must be nipped. Nipped right in the bud. We simply cannot have happen to us what occurred in a West coast Courtroom when a voluptuous female lawyer wearing a provocative top and toeless shoes dropped her pen during cross examination. When this attorney leaned over to pick up her pen which dropped in the proximity of her toeless shoe, an all male jury was so confounded that it remained hung, resulting in a mis-trial.
To accommodate any member of our judiciary who wants to cut this problem off at the pass, the CCBA will be appointing a Blue Ribbon Committee to cooperate with the Courts in seeking a solution to an insidious problem. It will be called the “Turtleneck and Sneaker” Committee. You see, it must be a turtleneck because tunics can sometimes also be a problem. This Committee will be chaired by anyone who is approaching his, or her, 49th birthday and has served as President of this organization for at least 5 consecutive terms. Although the Committee, or at least its Chair, will not have Subpoena power, it will have the right of inspection. So that this Committee will enjoy the prestige it deserves, former Judge Art Nickle and Roman Pulanski will serve as moral advisors to the Committee and its Chair.
We must assure that decency and decorum prevail!
Parenthetically, we also held a successful Law Day banquet. It was attended by 130 lawyers, judges and guests. The setting was elegant, the food great and those present enjoyed themselves. But for several unnamed individuals, such as Dick, David and John Thies, Charlie Palmer, Judges George Miller and Mike McCuskey and Nancy Cantor-thinly disguised as Kip Pope, the evening was a success. My thanks to everyone who participated.
Our Board lost a valuable member when veteran Andy Hatch chose to retire. Andy’s hard work and good judgment will be missed. Replacing Andy will be Amber Drew of Webber and Thies. Amber has been one of our more active younger members and I am convinced she will be a valuable addition to the Board if she can tolerate its slavish adherence to everyone being politically correct.
On a personal note, I am concluding my 5th year as President. It has been fun, rewarding and only rarely a pain in something other than my big toe and cleavage. Thank you all for your support and cooperation. I assure you the pleasure has been all mine.
John Gadau, President
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